Dear Car Prowler

A letter to the asshat who broke into my car last night…

Dear Car Prowler,

While it is not likely, I hope that the money from my cheap, Kenwood CD player is used to feed your family.  Studies show that kids who eat a proper breakfast and eat nutritious meals are more likely to stay in school and test better than those who don’t.   Really, I hope your kids’ futures are brither than yours.  God knows we don’t need anymore uneducated junkies trolling the streets looking for a fix. 

There is something to be said about your taste in music.  If I was high as hell, I would have stolen Animal Collective, but you left it laying on my seat.  You passed over musical geniuses like the Black Keys and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.  Instead, you chose to take Ramona Falls and a burnt copy of the tribute cd to Mississippi John Hurt.  Oh, robber, what obscure and eclectic musical taste you have.  You took the time to be picky with my CDs?  How very Seattle of you.  I’m almost impressed.  In another life, we may have been able to enjoy a show together.

In your desperate need for money, you have greatly inconvenienced me.  It’s a completely unnerving feeling to know that someone was rifling through my private property just feet from my door, while I slept.  I can live without a cd player, but the damage you have done to my  dashbaord, heating and A/C will require fixing, which is my time and money.

So with that, feed your kids breakfast and go to rehab, you dumbass.

Shaking my fist at you,

Emily